A friend of mine recently posted this to their FB:

“I was going to join a coven once, but then….
After fending off the husband of the HP, he said that she promised him he could have s*x with any member if he “let her” be an HP.

I was going to join a coven once, but then…
I noticed that all the women were subservient to the men and the title of “Priestess” was title only, for show, and a means to an end.

I was going to join a coven once, but then…
I noticed that all the men did was hard labor and had no respect, say, or were supported in their spiritual path.

I was going to join a coven once, but then…
I saw the colonization of other traditions, practices, and rituals and realized this way was not of my blood nor my land and doing this would not only yield no results on my personal path, but basterdize the original teachings.

I was going to join a coven once, but then..
I realized it was just a clique of friends who wanted to feel empowered by casting spells on those they felt wronged them. They ended up turning on eachother out of ego and want.

I was going to start a coven once, but then…
I realized my intention, vision, and hope would not change human nature. Mine included.”

This was my response:

Thank you for sharing your experiences and concerns.

As a local Coven leader and initiate of British Traditional Witchcraft (BTW), I want to acknowledge your feelings and the unfortunate situations you encountered. It’s important to understand that not all Covens operate in the manner you described, and your negative experiences highlight the necessity for discernment and careful selection when seeking a spiritual community.

In a healthy and respectful Coven, mutual respect, equality, and genuine spiritual growth are fundamental principles. A responsible High Priestess (HPS) and High Priest (HP, if applicable) should always uphold ethical standards. Any behavior that compromises the safety and dignity of members is unacceptable and does not reflect the true values of a Coven as I have come to know it.

In many BTW Covens, both women and men are valued equally, and titles such as “Priestess” and “Priest” carry genuine responsibility and respect. Leaders undergo rigorous training that educates and prepares them for interpersonal ministry.

Any Coven should honor and respect the traditions it follows without appropriating or misrepresenting other cultures. Authenticity and respect for the origins of practices are crucial. This respect is reflected in the way British Traditional Witchcraft (whether Gardnerian or Alexandrian) is practiced here in the States, with adaptations that honor local landscapes and traditions.

While some groups may misuse their spiritual practices, a well-guided Coven fosters empowerment, healing, and positive growth among its members. It should be a space where ego and personal grievances are set aside for the collective good. Recognizing human tendencies, it’s crucial to correct ourselves respectfully to maintain a supportive environment where members can grow spiritually, ethically, and emotionally.

I encourage everyone not to let past negative experiences deter them from seeking out a Coven that aligns with their values and aspirations. There are many Covens out there that are committed to genuine spiritual growth, mutual respect, and community support. Finding the right one can be transformative and deeply fulfilling.

From my own experience within the Gardnerian Tradition, Covens often emphasize mutual respect, personal development, and collective spiritual practices that can be profoundly enriching. For those who feel isolated or misunderstood in broader society, Covens can provide a sense of belonging and a platform for exploring their spirituality more deeply.

Covens can be diverse in their structure and ethos, even within established traditions. Many prioritize egalitarian principles, respect for all members, inclusivity, and the authentic practice of their spiritual traditions. These Covens work hard to maintain a healthy, respectful environment where all genders can thrive spiritually and personally.

Moreover, the privacy often associated with Covens is intended to protect the intimacy and integrity of their practices, not to conceal harmful behaviors. This privacy can make it challenging to find a Coven, but it also underscores the importance of trust and confidentiality in these spiritual journeys.

While the experiences you listed are valid and highlight the need for discernment, it’s also important to recognize the positive impact that many Covens have on individuals’ spiritual lives. These groups can be rare but profoundly special spaces for healing, growth, authenticity, and community.